comic book heroes that should NEVER deface the big screen July 11, 2008

thanks to mark pickavance at den of geek, here’s his list:

Comic book heroes are big business these days, since the studios started taking them seriously and getting the movies made properly. But there are some from comic lore that they should really be avoided, even though I know that some of these are already in pre-production.

Wonder Women:
This was so camp and funny as a 70s TV show, but I have huge reservations about the character now. Her powers are matching bulletproof bracelets and a lasso that makes people tell the truth. What? Okay, I accept that in the early comics she had the powers of the ancient gods, but presumably no costume making ability whatsoever. If they succeed in filming this it could actually be worse than the horrendous Catwoman.

The Green Lantern
Another DC character that needs to be avoided at all cost. He’s got a ring that can do almost anything including time travel, invisibility, flight and telepathy, among a zillion other things. But he’s powerless against anything yellow, eh? So you can threaten him with a banana or a lemon? So he’s stupidly overpowered but rather obviously circumvented by anyone colour coordinated. How frickin useless is that?

Arm-Fall-Off-Boy
No kidding? This unique hero turned up in a try-out for the Legion of Super-Heroes, with his amazing power that his arms came off…which he then used to create blunt force trauma. He also went by the name of The Splitter, which is moderately less dumb than Arm-Fall-Off-Boy! Legion of Super-Heroes didn’t let him in, despite offering places in their moronic ranks to equally stupid heroes such as Bouncing Boy and Matter Eater Lad. I’m not excited by the prospect of any of them coming to the big screen, unless it’s to take the piss out of them.

Thor
Marvel isn’t perfect either, and Thor proves it. He’s a god, borrowed from Norse legend, who travels by throwing his hammer, to which he’s attached. Please! Why they needed to put mythical gods in comics was lost on me anyway, but with a winged helmet he looks like a silly hood ornament. No, I wouldn’t be looking forward to that movie…ever.

She-Hulk
Why? The new Hulk movie looks okay, and I can even handle the Ang Lee one until it gets weird at the end, but She-Hulk? No. I don’t like women with bigger pectorals than me, and it’s a stupid name, character and idea. Stop it now!

Dogwelder
If you thought you’d seen powers, you’ve seen nothing until you experienced the hero that is Dogwelder! Part of the crime fighting team Section Eight, he rarely speaks, but with his welder’s mask firmly in place he attaches (welds…actually) dead dogs to the faces of evil doers. No you didn’t misread that, he spot welds dead dogs to people. He does this so they’re easier to recognise next time they meet, I assume. Actually I take it back – this is a movie I want to see so badly. Please Hollywood, bring on the Dogwelder, and let the sparks fly!

The Legion of the Superpets
DC really lost the plot in late fifties, and one of their most amazing ideas was Legion of the Superpets! Animals with Super-pet powers and red ’super’ capes to match, how could it fail? Krypto the Superdog, Beppo the Supermonkey, Streaky the Supercat, and… Comet the Superhorse! Yay! Or is that nay? My personal favourite was Comet, who’d become human once a year and date Supergirl. And most disturbingly I didn’t make that bit up. DC at it’s most bestial. If anyone tries to greenlight this project they should be checked for controlled substance abuse pronto.

Animal-Vegetable-Mineral Man
Is this a quiz or a superhero? To be honest he’s a super villain, but he’s so dumb he deserves his fifteen seconds of fame. He appeared in a comic called Doom Patrol in the sixties, and got his powers from being dipped in those exceptionally dangerous chemicals – amino acids. He can be anything, sometimes multiple things at once, a bit like The Thing…but more colourful and Swedish.

Captain Boomerang
Can you guess his power? If you said ‘he throws boomerangs’ then you’ve just undermined his dramatic first film appearance. I can’t see this being made thankfully, because he’s an unpleasant racist character, described as “a jerk and a screw-up.” by his ‘friends’ in his own Suicide Squad comics. He’s so admired by his super team members they drop him onto a deserted island, never to be seen again. Exactly the fate I have planned for any movie exec that comes up this franchise plan.

The Red Bee
This character is comedy gold, that needs to be left buried. He fought gangsters and Nazis in the 40sin a fetching pink and red outfit. Devoid of any actual powers, he did have a ’stinger gun’ and…wait for it…trained bees! These he kept cunningly concealed in his belt buckle. His favourite bee (no, I’ve not been to the pub…yet) was called Michael, but I’m not sure if he named them all. Michael’s little secret was that he must have been a transsexual bee, because as everyone knows male bees can’t sting only females. The buzz about this one is that it’s on the backburner after Bee Movie’s box office numbers came in.

The ones that didn’t make the cut…

Siryn: Woman that screams her enemies to death just like Naomi Campbell.
Vibe: Spanish break-dancing superhero that had ’shockwave’ power and a full wardrobe of Italian suits.
The Absorbing Man: Turns into everything his touches, which must make going to the loo a nightmare.
Infectious Lass: Makes everyone ill…she’s a laugh a minute.
The Black Racer: Death is a downhill skier…apparently
SuperPro: He’s an American football player who hurts his knee, amazingly.
Green Arrow: He fires arrows…usually green ones.
Reverse Flash: Same as the Flash, but bad.
Belle of the Ball: A girl who can control balls, no less. Can’t think of anything funny to top that!
The Four Marys: No explanation does this comic quartet justice, just accept that.
The Whizzer: Not what you think, at all.
Gale Alien and the Girl Squadron: They all wear stiletto shoes on Jupiter, as you do.
Spurt Hammond: Worst comic character name ever, bar none!
Prez First Teen President: We all need political heroes…they keep telling us.
Fatman The Human Flying Saucer: Don’t ask, please.

i’m really not a “comic book” kind of girl (disappointed, i know), and the only reason i stumbled across this fabulous list was because i was searching for lists of famous literary dead. yes, characters that have died gruesome deaths. the OC english department has a halloween costume party every fall themed famous literary deaths, and i’ve got to go this year because i’m an officer, so i need something to do.

however, i’ve yet to find a good list, but i’ve been finding lots of good things like this instead. maybe it’s not as funny as i think it is at 2 AM, but whatever. it’s funny right now and that’s all that matters.

answer me this, david sedaris and bill mckibben! July 7, 2008

i’ve been listening to the answer me this! podcast with helen and olly (but mostly martin the sound man) for a few weeks now while i’m at work – which, conveniently, is where i am right now – and i just wanted to give them a little shoutout while i’m waiting for my machine to load up so i can get some work done.

they’re a british comedy podcast that just, quite literally, answers people’s random questions. i’m only on episode 35 right now and my ipod has just died so i’m out of laughs for this afternoon (until i get in my car and use my fm transmitter, haha!), but it’s quite possibly the funniest thing i’ve ever heard, with perhaps the exception of david sedaris (i’ve got “me talk pretty one day” on an audiobook, so i’m sure my coworkers think i’m insane as i try to hold in my laughter at work). incidentally, i’ve yet to read his new book, “when you are engulfed in flames” – anyone read it? funny as the rest? i don’t know why i’m asking, i’m sure it is.

they’re absolutely hysterical and also british, so it doesn’t really get much better than that. you can subscribe to them on itunes and/or visit their website at this link here. my favorite episode so far is number thirty-four (quite a lot of links in this, aren’t there?), in which helen and martin recount a trip across the pond to the set of the “sex and the city” movie (although by accident), among other exploits. of course, this was in like september or october, so…it’s been a while, but still hilarious.

i really wish it wouldn’t cost me an arm and a leg to make an international call, or i definitely would. i suppose i could email them sometime, but we’ll just have to wait and see. anyway, definitely check it out.

in other news, i’ve just found out that bill mckibben is going to be a guest of honor at my university this fall at the mcbride lecture and leadership seminar (or something similarly named, shame on me). since i don’t really know who he is, let me copy a little taste of the press release.

Best-selling author and environmental activist Bill McKibben will deliver the fourth annual McBride Lecture for Faith & Literature at 7:00 p.m. on Oct. 3 in Oklahoma Christian University’s Gaylord University Center. The evening lecture will be followed by a book-signing reception. Both events are free and open to the public.

McKibben is author of the national bestseller Deep Economy: The Wealth of Communities and the Durable Future (Holt, 2007) as well as books such as The End of Nature (Random House, 2006, revised) and a host of essays in the nation’s top magazines. McKibben is scholar-in-residence at Middlebury College and lives with his wife, the writer Sue Halpern, and their daughter in Ripon, Vt.

The Boston Globe has called Deep Economy a “hopeful manifesto” and “an inspired book.” USA Today has written of Deep Economy: “What makes McKibben’s book stand out is the completeness of his arguments and his real-world approach to solutions.” Bill Moyers has written, “Bill McKibben enjoys the most conspicuous place in my own pantheon of journalistic heroes for his pioneer work in writing about the environment.”

“We invite Oklahomans to hear this powerful thinker discuss issues of great importance – not only how both to design durable human communities and care for the planet, but also specifically how to sustain the great quality of life we enjoy in Oklahoma as well as pass on to our children the best of Oklahoma’s natural resources,” said Scott LaMascus, Professor of English and Director of the McBride Center for Faith & Literature.

The lecture will come at the end of “Green Week” on campus of Oklahoma Christian University, which is sponsored by the university’s Student Government Association. For more details about the activities of Green Week at OC, visit www.oc.edu.

so there’s that – free and all, so if you’d like to come, please do. it’s always a good time. last year we had marilynne robinson, author of “gilead” and “housekeeping,” and the year before we saw robert pinsky, former US poet laureate and author of nineteen books (dream big). he definitely cuts an intimidating figure, but he was a great speaker. so if you’ll be in the area at the time, feel free to stop by.

accutane, the dark knight, and wall-e June 23, 2008

i finished my last dose of accutane today. well, technically i was on the generic brand isotretinoin (more commonly known as sotret?). i feel thrilled that i’m finally done with my cycle, but i’m interested to see where this is going to take me now. my symptoms have only been dry skin – especially lips and nose, but only one minor nosebleed. i did moisturize my face like nobody’s business, so that’s probably why that was ok. and i traded off between aquaphor and cocoa butter for my arms and legs to keep them from drying out too bad.

i’m excited to be done, but, like i said, i’m nervous. i know there’s a huge success rate, but a lot of people have to do it twice, and i hope i don’t. i feel like it put me in a lower mood than i used to be in, and i’m hoping that’ll lift now that i’m not on it anymore. but don’t get me wrong – i am so glad i did it. i used to have pretty bad acne, but now my face is as clear as the sky in july. i love it. love it love it love it.

i’d definitely recommend it to someone. i know there are 2385230 awful side effects, but they only happen to the vast minority of people, and across the board results are great. it was definitely worth being a little crabbier and having to apply chapstick about fifty times a day to have clear skin.

i’m currently reading jodi picoult’s “salem falls.” i just finished “the pact” and remembered that i had this one tucked away downstairs, so i pulled it out. i wish i owned “nineteen minutes.” i may have to buy it, but i have about a million books on that list, so we’ll just have to see. i really can’t afford to buy any more books on top of my college book costs, although i seem to be mysteriously addicted to the five-dollar-movie rack at wal-mart. good movies at an awesome price. i just can’t stop. seriously, who puts “catch me if you can,” “something’s gotta give,” and “A KNIGHT’S TALE” on the $5 rack?? seriously, have some respect for mr. ledger.

speaking of heath ledger, i am so pumped for the dark knight. seriously, it’s going to be awesome. i’m a little nervous because on all the trailers he looks really pretty terrifying. and i haaate scary movies, but i don’t think this is going to be that scary and besides, who passes up christian bale and heath ledger and batman and a midnight movie experience? all four great things. i’ll post my favorite trailer and a few screens.

scary, huh? oh heath. i am so sad that this movie killed you because you were so amazing.

sorry, i couldn’t find a good screen of batman, unfortunately. but let’s look at some more of these names, ok? michael caine, gary oldman, and morgan freeman, all fantastic. and maggie gyllenhaal replaced katie holmes, and it was about time that they got someone who can act their way out of a box into a movie (not katie holmes). we’ve already seen aaron and katie getting it on all over his apartment in “thank you for smoking,” and i don’t need to be blinded again. i just love maggie, especially in “stranger than fiction.”

also, side note – did anyone else know that the beautiful and talented nestor carbonell is in this?? i fell in love with him on LOST and i am so excited to see him again!

one more thing i am absolutely thrilled about in this movie is the introduction of harvey dent, who becomes two-face. and who better to play him than aaron eckhart? a brilliant actor (thank you for smoking, no reservations) who deserves such an awesome part. he always seems to play the “bad guy who’s really good,” but here he’ll just be the bad guy, so it’ll be interesting to see how he does that.

speaking of other fantastic movies, disney pixar’s wall-e comes out this weekend. some of their new movies have been flops compared to the greats, but i think this one will be another classic, like nemo did when it joined their ranks. cars was pretty good, but it barely scraped the surface. some of the others…just no good. anyway. wall-e looks promising. i just love disney pixar and it sounds like it’s going to be great.

i suppose i’m done name-dropping for tonight, but i can’t wait for either of these movies.

all i’ve been listening to for the past few days are those audiobooks still. i’m on “eclipse” right now, and about 2/3 of the way through, i think. i think this might be my favorite book. so good. the characters do tend to grimace, hiss, glower, sigh, and cry quite a bit, though. oh well. i suppose i can take a few sacrifices for a good book. i downloaded “anne of green gables” from librivox, where you can download a ton of audiobooks that are in the public domain, so i guess that’s next on my list.

my newest musical addiction, however, is charlotte sometimes. on her myspace she lists her influences as being Fiona Apple, Roy Orbison, Van Morrison, Carol King, The Everly Brothers, Death Cab For Cutie, Lisa Loeb, Simon and Garfunkel, The Cardigans, Tracy Bonham, Snow Patrol, Billie Holiday, The Postal Service, Buddy Holly, The Violent Femmes, Rilo Kiley, Tegan and Sara, so you can make your judgments based on that. i personally love her.

and courtesy of nice facts, here are some, well…nice facts.

did you know that males sweat 40% more than females? mon dieu!

and from the quick quotes quill:

“Models are like baseball players. We make a lot of money quickly, but all of a sudden we’re 30 years old, we don’t have a college education, we’re qualified for nothing, and we’re used to a very nice lifestyle. The best thing is to marry a movie star.” – cindy crawford

the incredible hulk…take two June 17, 2008

so i went and saw the new hulk movie last weekend, and i thought i’d give it a little review here. marvel definitely did the right thing in buying back the rights to its characters for movies. first iron man with robert downey jr., which was AWESOME (although i’m ashamed to say that i didn’t see it until last weekend, either – my boyfriend and i had a “marvel”ous weekend. corny, i know.), and now edward norton starring as the hulk (unfortunately, it’s not staying that way). i’m a huge ed norton fan, so that’s a big downer. but i digress.

• acting – ed norton, as bruce banner/the hulk, was brilliant, as usual. it’s too bad marvel wouldn’t listen to him and make the movie a little more “human” as opposed to action, but he did a fantastic job of making banner really sympathetic in this role. liv tyler as betty ross, banner’s love interest – i’m not her hugest fan, but her babydoll voice didn’t kill her in this movie. she did pretty well. fortunately she’s mostly in the second half. tim roth, as blonsky/”bad hulk” the antagonist, was quite good. talented actor who did well in his hunt of banner. i liked ross’s new boyfriend – he kept me laughing out of sheer ridiculousness.

speaking of “humanistic v. action” – you’d think the US army would have figured out after a battle or two that the hulk cannot be defeated with pistols. and if you had banner as a human, why would you do things the hard way and force him into being the hulk before you shoot large explosives at him? it just seemed like the US army couldn’t figure it out…oh well, that’s nothing new.

• computer graphics – good thing marvel bought back their rights and made the hulk look the way he should, not like he came off a can of jolly green giant. blonsky’s hulk was pretty nasty looking, especially with those spikes up his back. i wouldn’t want to cross him in a dark alley…anywhere, really. flying objects and things thrown by the hulk twins looked much more realistic, and there were no jumping/throwing helicopters across a desert shenanigans this time around.
• plot – again, marvel, fantastic. they pretty much rewrote the hulk’s origin, showing it as a science experiment gone badly badly wrong rather than some nuclear crap that happened when banner was a bebe. i felt like the relationship between banner and ross was a little forced at times, but that could be tyler’s slightly-above-par acting.

overall, it was probably worth the $9 my boyfriend’s parents paid for me to see this movie. i’d probably pay to see it again. none of us are “comic book crazies” and we all enjoyed it a lot. can’t wait for the next marvel movies and the final avengers movie coming out when all of the movies for the avengers have been made.

i suppose that’s about all for today. i downloaded the twilight audiobooks this morning from audible.com, so that’s keeping me definitely entertained while i work in the basement at the office all by my lonesome.

i’m looking into setting up a twitter account for the blog. we’ll see. still reading “the pact” by jodi picoult and listening today mostly to death cab for cutie’s new cd “narrow stairs.”

did you know that mel blanc, who played the voice of bugs bunny, was allergic to carrots? ehhh, what’s up, doc?

the premiere: twilight, jodi picoult, and jim dale June 17, 2008

well, i suppose this is my first post for this blog. with the exception of my high school xanga, i’ve never been able to keep a blog up consistently. i’m not planning on having a huge fanbase or anything – i just want to keep up with things. during the school year, i’m a pretty avid journaler, but i can’t seem to keep up with that in the summer. i figured a blog might be a better way to keep track of things – especially things trivial enough to keep out of my journal, like books, my classes, school, just kind of whatever.

i’m a junior at oklahoma christian university majoring in english writing and minoring in spanish, international studies, and accounting. so basically i’m almost picking up another major in liberal studies, but just short a few hours. accounting does seem like the odd man out, but i’m doing it for the business knowledge, since you have to know not only business accounting, but general business, management, and marketing, as well. my mom’s a CPA so she talked me into it – but i’m taking basic accounting one this summer and i really like it, so maybe it’s inherent. we’ll see.

i’m going to try to keep my posts pretty short and to the point and only write about a few things per post, maybe four or five if i’m feeling frisky.

tonight i think i’m going to start out with talking about the “twilight saga,” which has quickly risen in my stock. i know, i’m even judging myself for loving them. i tried so hard to resist, but they’re just too good. i think the characters are generally pretty flat, and i don’t think i’d be a fan of either bella (too whiny and cries too much) or edward (too perfect/noble, well, except the whole vampire thing) in real life, but i do enjoy a good page-turner. and it did keep me up two nights in a row, reading when i should have been getting valuable sleeping done in between work and evening accounting class (i know, right?)

BUT here’s the kicker – the movie. i cannot wait. it’s got a wonderful cast, and rob pattinson is making me fall in love with edward out of sheer good looks. i applaud whoever did the casting – can’t wait. kristen stewart (in the land of women, panic room) is playing bella, and so far the trailers, etc., look good. i’ll post the official trailer and a clip shown at some mtv awards show or something. i don’t watch mtv. it sucks these days. but if they’re posting twilight clips, i’ll watch those.

here’s the mtv clip

and here’s the official trailer

it’s going to be good. i promise. and if i’m lying, i’ll be right there at midnight gouging out my eyes with you.

mm. sheer beauty.

currently i’m reading “the pact” by jodi picoult. it’s definitely my third or fourth or eighth read, but it’s just so good. i can’t put it down. the basic premise is of two teens, chris harte and emily gold, who grow up together and start dating as teens, and then one night emily is found dead, a bullethole in her head, with chris next to her the whole time. he claims it was a suicide pact between the two of them, but it’s up to time and the courtroom to decide whether it was a pact or a homicide. it’s an incredible pageturner. i cry every time i read it.

other books of hers that i enjoy are “my sister’s keeper,” “nineteen minutes,” and “salem falls.” i wouldn’t recommend “the tenth circle,” but only because it delves into the supernatural, and that’s not my thing (and probably shouldn’t be hers, either, but that’s just my opinion).

currently my musical addiction is PlayRadioPlay!, which is a one-man electronic/pop band from aledo, texas started by daniel hunter in december 2005. he writes, performs, and records all of his own music. the sound can be compared to The Postal Service, Hellogoodbye, Electric President, and other electronic acts. (thanks, wiki) but for real, if you like postal service and hellogoodbye, you’ll love him. his voice also sounds almost identical to the singer from death cab, so there’s another good tip. love it.

other topics i may talk about include my favorite tv shows (lost, grey’s anatomy, heroes, i love new york, flavor of love), harry potter, classes i take, going to a christian university, what i do in my spare time, podcasts, writing, work, just whatever, really.

shoutout to jim dale tonight. i just started listening to his harry potter audiobooks, and i’ve got to say that he’s amazing. if you don’t listen, you should get on it. his voices are fantastic. if you get on itunes and download mugglecast episode 137, it’s mostly an interview with him. he does a few voices and talks about recording and all. heck, while you’re at it, download all of the mugglecast casts. they’re great.

did you know that TYPEWRITER is the longest word you can type out using only one line on the keyboard? try it. i know you did.